


Enough

by ohhaypsy



Series: Who Are These Douchebags? [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Friendship, Insecurity, M/M, Quadrant Vacillation, Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhaypsy/pseuds/ohhaypsy
Summary: Spades are hard, but someone understands.Dave seeks out reassurance that he's not a selfish piece of shit.Can be read as a stand-alone.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Series: Who Are These Douchebags? [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746598
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AllDaveKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/gifts).



> psy: Find Dave’s voice again.
> 
> Yes I still love these douchebags.
> 
> This one goes out to my first commenter, [AllDaveKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/).

"'Sup."

You'd be lying if you said you'd spent much time with Kanaya one-on-one, mano y vampire-o. Probably weird, considering you spent three years on a meteor together, hurtling through sort-of-space with only six other beings. But you'd all kinda paired up early on. Rose and Kanaya, Terezi and Vriska, you and Karkat.

The clown fucker didn't count. The mayor didn't really either, because his friendship deserved to be spread among all people. Though you and Karkat were his favorites, which was the greatest endorsement of your awesomeness you could ever ask for. You'd die for that dude. Multiple times. According to John, you nearly had. Truly the most heroic of deaths.

Kanaya looks surprised to see you, and you figure that's fair, especially considering you're bugging her while she's down in the brooding caverns, making sure everything will be ready to go once it comes time to hatch the matriorb. Rose says they're nearly there.

But Kanaya stops what she's doing to climb up the walkway to you. "Yes, Dave? How can I help you?" This isn't exchanging pleasantries when you show up to bug Rose. Kanaya can tell it's gonna be a captital T _Talk._

Man, you hate this shit.

You shove your hands in your back pockets in a pathetic effort to keep things casual. "You got a lunch break coming up? Not necessarily lunch I guess, maybe one of those state mandated ten minutes, just enough time to sneak out behind the building, spark up a joint 'cause being high is the only way you get through the day, fantasize about telling your boss to go fuck himself, just straight up rage quit that shit, but you ain't gonna, even if it's just a matter of time before you go Office Space on the place and--"

"Dave." Kanaya gently interrupts you. The look she gives you is more fond than you would have expected, the sort she normally saves for Karkat. "I can take a few minutes, yes." She gestures with one hand for you to follow her.

...To the break room. You wouldn't have expected a break room to be built into the brooding caverns, but here one is, labeled Tupperware in the hunger trunk and everything. When you were thirteen, how different trolls were threw you off. Now at seventeen, it's how _similar_ they are that has you tripping.

Kanaya seats you at the table with a cup of coffee, a moment later settling across from you with a mug of tea. Her expectant look has you squirming. But of course she doesn't put you out of your misery, she just. Waits.

"So, uh," you start lamely. "Rose says you're nearly ready to hatch Momma Grub, start breeding cute little troll wigglers."

"Yes." Kanaya can't help her soft, proud glow. "The slurry reservoirs should be finished any day now, then it's just a few more small things -- as long as everything goes according to plan, everything should be ready for her next month. It will still take some time for her to reach maturity, but it is best to have everything ready to go _before_ attempting to raise a hungry young Mother Grub."

"Yeah, that makes sense, don't want construction to interrupt nap time for baby Momma. Not like, your _baby momma,_ but I guess for trolls she kind of is?"

Jesus, you're annoying _yourself_ with your nonsense now. But Kanaya is looking patient as ever, waiting for you to get to the point.

Not that you're capable of doing that. "Gonna be a lot more trolls around."

"Eventually, yes."

"That's cool. Need more trolls up in here, looks like they didn't keep up enough on that ectobiology shit over the last couple thousand years, straight up flouting a direct order from gods, that's some blasphemous--"

 _"Dave."_ It appears that even Kanaya only has so high of a tolerance for Strider bullshit. "Not that I'm not enjoying this strange small talk, but I am assuming you wanted to speak with me for--"

"Quadrants." The word practically flies out of your mouth before you can stop it. You can feel your face heating, and you slump down in your seat in embarrassment, mumbling behind your coffee cup. "I wanted to ask you about quadrants."

"...Quadrants." Kanaya says the word slowly, processing it. "I know Karkat can be a chore to listen to at times, but do you really tune him out that much?"

"What? No." You can't help but be a little offended. Yeah, you check out of Karkat’s long-winded rants sometimes, but not nearly as much as you pretend to. You _like_ how intense he gets, how passionate he is about every single thing, good or bad. It's just fun to give him shit about it. "I get what they are and how they work, jegus, pretty sure some salamander crossing the street could pick it up just by breathing the same air as him."

If Kanaya disagrees, she keeps it to herself. "Then I suppose I don't understand. What can I tell you about quadrants that Karkat cannot?"

You're regretting every decision that led you to this moment. "What, uh, what are you and Rose doing about them?"

Her glow brightens in a sort of blush. "I beg your pardon?"

Fuuuuuck you really don't want to pry into your sister's cross-species romantic life. But you literally have nowhere else to turn to for advice on your own. "Okay, let's level. Options were pretty limited on the meteor, there were barely even enough people there to fill quadrants, let alone with someone you wanted in them. But now there's a shitton of other trolls, so that sort of shit is actually feasible. And even some humans have gotten in on it -- is that cultural appropriation? Does that even count on a new planet? Whatever, that can of dirt noodles can be opened up later. But sky's the limit on spades and diamonds now, you're not stuck with the same five shitty teens to choose from on who you wanna square up with -- we can all agree that Juggalozee shouldn't ever be considered for any quadrant ever. Not to talk shit about the fact that Karkat was in diamonds with him for awhile, but we all know--"

"Dave, please." There's a note of pleading in her tone and wow you can't blame her. "Can we please get to the point rather than drag out this painfully awkward conversation?"

"Yeah, okay that's fair." You stare down at your coffee cup, spinning it on the table. "I guess the point is… What are you and Rose gonna do about filling up your grid?"

You can _see_ the light go on in Kanaya's head, even as her glow fades. "You're asking if I'm going to be looking for a kismesis."

"I mean, kinda? Moirail too, I guess, that's pretty intimate."

You're asking your sister's alien girlfriend if they're going to be polygamists. What the fuck is your life.

Kanaya's quiet for a moment, probably trying to decide just how much information she's willing to divulge. You doubt any hesitation is because of Rose -- Rose has always been pretty open about this sort of shit with you. Sometimes uncomfortably so. It's part of why you didn't ask her about this whole thing.

"We've spoken about it," Kanaya finally says, careful as ever with her words. "Rose has been very culturally sensitive and open-minded. But for the time being, I have decided to remain celibate in most of my other quadrants. I believe I can be satisfied with a matesprit and ashen dalliances, maybe even some pale flirtation. If I meet someone I have black or true pale feelings for, we will reopen the conversation. Does that answer your question?"

It does. But not exactly in the way you were hoping. Not that you were really sure what you were hoping for. "So… Rose is cool with the idea then? Or at least the potential?"

Kanaya watches you for a moment, and then that smile is back, the warm, maternal one. You're not sure how she can be such a _mom_ when trolls don’t have them. "Rose and I are very different from you and Karkat."

And here it is, the time to cut through all the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter. Your coffee cup is empty, but you still bring it to your mouth to mumble behind it. "He's been watching a lot of blackrom stuff lately."

"And you're worried he's going to want a kismesis."

"Kinda?" You set the cup down and fold your arms on the table, hunching over it. "I know how quadrants work, I know we're not _just_ matesprits, though that's the biggest chunk of it. We've always been all over the place, but I don't think we ever hit _real_ spades territory. That shit is intense in a way I just can't do. And like I said, there's other options now, but I don't…"

And this is the crux of the matter. The part that makes you feel shitty.

"...I don't want to share him."

Karkat hasn't brought it up, but the idea that he might scares the shit out of you. The two of you hadn't ever bothered to put a real label on what you were, and most of your friends had just accepted you as 'Dave and Karkat'. When someone _did_ refer to your relationship, it was matesprits or (human) boyfriends or once, by Terezi, 'rails with pails,' which made you nearly bust a gut laughing while Karkat launched immediately into an Defcon 1 embarassed screeching shit fit.

No one ever said kismesises. Or kismeses? Kismesi? Fuck, not the point. Whatever the proper plural was, no one used it in reference to you and Karkat.

Kanaya seems more at ease now that the focus is no longer on _her_ relationship, and hums thoughtfully as she sips her tea. Fuck, why haven't you taken the time to get to know Kanaya better? She's so important to both Rose and Karkat, the two people most important to _you._ She's your opposite side of the square and wow that would probably sound weird to a troll. But for humans it's an appropriate metaphor. You think.

Taking in a slow, deep breath, Kanaya carefully sets down her tea. "Dave, I'm going to ask you to not repeat what I am about to say to Karkat. I'm worried it would not be taken in the spirit intended, even if I was the one to say it to him."

Well _that_ has your curiosity gland pumping hard. "Yeah, of course. Zipperlips, like Roxy says." You hold out your fist to her to solidify the pact. You don't like hiding things from Karkat, but you're not too jazzed about him knowing that you're talking to Kanaya about this shit in the first place, so keeping whatever she's about to say to yourself won't be much of a chore.

Her smile is amused, but she doesn't hesitate to fist bump you -- she's familiar with the concept at this point. She clears her throat, and wraps both hands loosely around her cup of tea. "I do not believe Karkat will seek out a kismesis -- or be particularly interested if anyone makes black advances towards him."

"Because of m--"

 _"Because,"_ she continues over you. "And this is the part I ask you not to share -- I do not believe he is truly capable of that sort of hatred."

Wow, no wonder she wants to keep that a secret. You can practically hear his hackles raise at the idea. "Seriously? Dude hates _everything._ I get daily dissertations on whatever new vendetta he's got lodged in his nook about I don't know, the can opener or some shit. Yesterday I got treated to a thirty minute speech on some shitty shampoo he'd accidentally alchemized."

Kanaya doesn't bother to hide her chuckle, probably having no issue imagining Karkat screaming about strawberry being an awful scent. "Yes, I'm well aware of the depths of his emotions towards seemingly minor things. But what I said is that I don't believe he is capable of _that_ sort of hatred. The sort required for kismesitude. Tell me, do you think he truly hates any _person?_ Excepting those who have caused serious harm to someone he cares about, of course, and again, not the same sort of hate we're talking about."

You have to stop and think. Karkat is _very_ verbal when he hates someone, which is everyone, including you. Kanaya might be the only one who gets a pass. But all of those people are either his friends or total fucking strangers, not any sort of actual rivalry. The closest you think you've ever seen him to _that_ kind of hate was Vriska, but you're also pretty sure that was still platonic. He didn't blush or stumble when he talked about her, even when she was stepping hard on his insecurities or insinuating that he had those sorts of feelings about her. You remember getting so fucking _pissed_ at the way she always felt the need agitate him to the point where _you_ were the one to tell her to shut the fuck up, then curl up with him on the couch to watch one of his favorite movies, while he'd just lay with his head in your lap, uncharacteristically quiet.

You wonder if maybe Karkat wasn't the one hiding a black crush. Wait, was she trying to get you to go clubs between them? _Did_ you go clubs between them? Man, no amount of Karkat TEDtalks had managed to help you wrap your brain around _that_ quadrant.

But… you had to give Kanaya the point. "Nah, not really. Dude talks a big game, but…"

"He's far too gentle." The way she says the words that would no doubt have Karkat spitting fire is soft, warm, as gentle as she's saying he is. "I think he pale-flirted with everyone in our session at least once, even those the _most_ undeserving." There's a soft growl in her tone -- Makara. Also probably the fish fucker who's name you can't be bothered to remember. Is calling him 'fish fucker' racist? Damn, probably.

But her growl disappears immediately, and she continues. "I doubt he was intentionally soliciting anyone in the pale quadrant, but he simply _cared_ about each one of them, no matter how reprehensible their actions."

She wasn't wrong. "Yeah. Despite it all, he's a pretty soft dude." For a member of a pretty damn murder-happy species, Karkat sure cried a lot, both happy and sad. It was one of the rare things you couldn't bring yourself to tease him about.

She hesitates over her next few words. "Trolls aren't meant to be soft. So no, I don't think you have to worry about him finding a kismesis. Or a moirail for that matter, as long as you're alright with him being a little more, ah, _open_ in that quadrant than is customary, which if you weren't, the two of you wouldn't have lasted this long." Kanaya reaches over to put her hand on yours. You feel your hand flinch, but the usual reflex to pull away doesn't come. "Dave, you are more than enough for Karkat. And he'd tell you the same."

You can't help it, your shoulders slump in relief. Karkat _has_ told you as much the few times the subject has been touched on, but it helped to hear it from the outside, from someone who knew Karkat nearly as well as you did. You might agitate the fuck out of him -- yeah, a lot of times on purpose -- but you weren't expected to make him actually hate you.

Or to actually hate _him._ You're sure as shit not capable of that.

"Thanks," you mutter, beyond embarrassed that you needed reassurance, that you couldn't just believe Karkat when he said you were enough. Kanaya doesn't say anything, just pulls her hand back to her tea cup. Man, you couldn't ask for a better future sister-in-law.

"So how many wigglers are you gonna take home to Rose when they start hatching?" you ask, incapable of letting a sentimental moment go unruined. "Arrange them into a bouquet for your anniversary, surprise her all 'oh honey didn't you know, bug babies is the traditional three sweep anniversary present.'"

"Dave, please leave."

When you get home, Karkat doesn't hesitate to immediately start snarling at you for leaving the cords to your turntables strewn across the floor while he attempts to free himself from one that somehow managed to get knotted around both of his ankles. You tell him that anyone with functional legs would be able to step over them without it turning into some kinky tech bondage, which causes him to shriek at you to help free him so he can smack the douchery off your face and wonder if there'd be anything left. It escalates from there.

That night when you're laying together in bed after sex loud enough to have sent Dirk off to Jake's place, Karkat's curled tightly around you, in one of his patented comas. His head is resting on your chest and you gently slide your fingers down his spine.

Kanaya's right. This is more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I doubt this series will ever be done, every time I ever look at anything Homestuck I have new moments I want to write for these douchebags.
> 
> Also feel free to throw suggestions at me that fit in the Douchebags canon. No promises, but sometimes all I need is a prompt.
> 
> Thanks for reading my nonsense.


End file.
